Acknowledging emotions is something I’ve avoided. Unless it was joy or positive emotions, I avoided it like the plague. My whole life I’ve wanted to be a joyful, optimistic person. I’m not saying I’m not those things now, but I’ve realized something. I’ve realized that as humans we are allowed to experience emotions of all kinds. It’s how we deal with them that matters. 

I’ve also realized, God has emotions. If you read through the Old Testament you will see it. A few years ago, I felt God wanted me to read through the Old Testament. These books of the Bible are not easy to read, but I thought, why not try. As I read through the books, I saw the emotions God experienced and expressed. The light bulb went off and I finally began my process of dealing with all emotions. 

I used to try to stuff emotions. I would use exercise as a way to run from them literally and figuratively. I now use exercise as an additional way to sort through my emotions. I journal and sit with God to acknowledge what I’m feeling and then go for a run (usually near the ocean) to seal the deal. A counselor of mine told me that if I acknowledge an emotion, I won’t sit in that emotion forever. She was right! I am actually able to deal with it in a fairly quick time frame and continue on. For some reason I used to think that if I acknowledged a negative emotion I would be stuck in it. Not true! It passes as I deal with it and I am able to go back to my joyful self. Praise Jesus!

2020 has been an exceptionally hard year for all of us. This year alone I’ve cried more than I have in my entire life. This may be because I am finally letting myself feel. I’m doing it the healthy way by crying when I need to cry, laughing when I need to laugh, being angry or frustrated when I need to be, and being ok with not being ok all the time. 

I’m on a continuous journey to be the best and healthiest version of myself. It’s not easy and it doesn’t always look pretty, but it’s worth it. My goal in life is to be the woman God created me to be, and in these moments of pain and hardship, I turn to Jesus and seek his face and he reminds me who and whose I am. I am forever his. He is always with me. He will never leave me. He is constantly reminding me of this and as humans we need this constant reminder. We get inside our heads too much and often forget. 

God is with you. He wants to be the one you turn to in times of uncertainty. In times where you don’t know how or what to feel. Times you have so many emotions you don’t know what to do with yourself. He will be your comfort. He will bring you back to yourself. He will restore and make you whole.  

I am free because of Jesus!
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